His Grace Has Changed Me
by Eleine MT Magdalena (translated from Indonesian)
Various events and life struggles which I had gone through these few years ago had given me some very deep meaning in my life, family and the people around me.
In March 1977, my second child was born. I had experienced so great God's love during this nine month pregnancy till delivery. It was not like what I had worried about; all the operation process and post partum recovery had been working smoothly and very comfortably. Two months afterwards, I had re-experienced my struggle in accepting my vocation to serve my family and neighbor. The genuine and sincerity of accepting my vocation was tested again. I had felt this struggle shaping my life since I left my achievement, success and all which I had been proud of at my hometown. This struggle started after my marriage which I had to join my husband to other town whose people has never known all my achievement. I had to accept this condition as the consequence of my decision. This fact then made me aware of some part of the beautiful God's plan for me.
In this new environment, the process of purification and detachment from all the idolatry in my life started systematically, slowly but surely. The purification period as a matter of fact provided some chances to leave behind all the masks which I had grasped strongly in my life. The test of the pure motivation and sincerity in performing some services then became the standard of my own good deeds measurement. The enjoyment of praise, admiration and appreciation of the people made me attached to my efforts, struggle and good deeds which I had to let go. It was really some process which needed abundant of His grace that made me pass beyond all this test. I had to be courageous to leave my successful mask and by then to believe that others would accept me the way I was. I was introduced to my real vocation; some life which was totally different from my former hope and plan. It is true that His word says: Since My plan is not your plan; my way is not your way. Building up my relationship with the family, neighbor and God had been so far neglected due to all my achievement ambition. The service towards my husband, children and neighbor as the realization to God's love became my current vocation.
This new life as my turning point from the old life could be really felt after I had surrendered to His will. It was exactly in June 1997. I could not stand bargaining anymore to accept His call. Just because of His grace, I was willingly to let go of my ambition to pursue my master degree (S2) and God allowed me to study again at STFT (Theological School) in the field which supported me to serve God and my neighbor.
Due to His grace I gradually was led to leave the ambition prison of achievement and success which had been mammon in my life. His grace made me sufficient and lack nothing anymore. And even more this grace made me come out from my self-need fulfillment to reach others around me afterwards. This grace made me not only sufficient but abundant in every aspect. His grace has changed my view in the meaning and destination of this life.
The detachment from my attachment of achievement, career and success was the Grace of God which I later had realized as God's intervention in my life which endlessly given in various events especially after marriage. The struggle is not yet ending. I still have to struggle till now. Stepping out of comfort zone is always involving some risk and needing courage; growth is indeed always painful. His grace accompanied my every step of growth.
Throughout various of events, condition and meeting with a lot of people, I came to realize that God is always so near, leading me to abide in His Love. With His Love, God performed and guided our family life. Merely due to His generosity through various chances, I might experience Him who is alive and involved in our life problems. The conversion of my two older siblings which changed their lives and our family was realized as God’s Grace which I should be thankful for. The trust given and the performance of tasks during these last years which I had never expected indeed made me realized God's role in my life and He was involved working in everything to provide the goods according to His will. Some problems and assignment which I had encountered and experienced made me more aware of my limitation and the need of surrender to His Mercy. His trust for various assignments and all our family life dynamic should be appreciated as the chance to welcome the Lord to shape the whole of our family as He wants to , to let God do whatever He wants in my life according to His Will, to give Him space to make something impossible for me possible. This surrender brought me endless struggle. The ongoing struggle, the thinness of ego wall, the self-expansion beyond the secure and comfort zone, the struggle towards all self-wishes of acknowledgement, appreciation in service, the caution of pride which sometimes appeared suddenly to the surface, the self-obedience under His words, the endless struggle to become little before Him could be done only merely by His Grace. Only merely by His Grace I might face my daily fragility. May the Lord who is the King in our hearts, in the nations’ heart and in the life of everybody, grant the justice and peace on this earth.
In March 1977, my second child was born. I had experienced so great God's love during this nine month pregnancy till delivery. It was not like what I had worried about; all the operation process and post partum recovery had been working smoothly and very comfortably. Two months afterwards, I had re-experienced my struggle in accepting my vocation to serve my family and neighbor. The genuine and sincerity of accepting my vocation was tested again. I had felt this struggle shaping my life since I left my achievement, success and all which I had been proud of at my hometown. This struggle started after my marriage which I had to join my husband to other town whose people has never known all my achievement. I had to accept this condition as the consequence of my decision. This fact then made me aware of some part of the beautiful God's plan for me.
In this new environment, the process of purification and detachment from all the idolatry in my life started systematically, slowly but surely. The purification period as a matter of fact provided some chances to leave behind all the masks which I had grasped strongly in my life. The test of the pure motivation and sincerity in performing some services then became the standard of my own good deeds measurement. The enjoyment of praise, admiration and appreciation of the people made me attached to my efforts, struggle and good deeds which I had to let go. It was really some process which needed abundant of His grace that made me pass beyond all this test. I had to be courageous to leave my successful mask and by then to believe that others would accept me the way I was. I was introduced to my real vocation; some life which was totally different from my former hope and plan. It is true that His word says: Since My plan is not your plan; my way is not your way. Building up my relationship with the family, neighbor and God had been so far neglected due to all my achievement ambition. The service towards my husband, children and neighbor as the realization to God's love became my current vocation.
This new life as my turning point from the old life could be really felt after I had surrendered to His will. It was exactly in June 1997. I could not stand bargaining anymore to accept His call. Just because of His grace, I was willingly to let go of my ambition to pursue my master degree (S2) and God allowed me to study again at STFT (Theological School) in the field which supported me to serve God and my neighbor.
Due to His grace I gradually was led to leave the ambition prison of achievement and success which had been mammon in my life. His grace made me sufficient and lack nothing anymore. And even more this grace made me come out from my self-need fulfillment to reach others around me afterwards. This grace made me not only sufficient but abundant in every aspect. His grace has changed my view in the meaning and destination of this life.
The detachment from my attachment of achievement, career and success was the Grace of God which I later had realized as God's intervention in my life which endlessly given in various events especially after marriage. The struggle is not yet ending. I still have to struggle till now. Stepping out of comfort zone is always involving some risk and needing courage; growth is indeed always painful. His grace accompanied my every step of growth.
Throughout various of events, condition and meeting with a lot of people, I came to realize that God is always so near, leading me to abide in His Love. With His Love, God performed and guided our family life. Merely due to His generosity through various chances, I might experience Him who is alive and involved in our life problems. The conversion of my two older siblings which changed their lives and our family was realized as God’s Grace which I should be thankful for. The trust given and the performance of tasks during these last years which I had never expected indeed made me realized God's role in my life and He was involved working in everything to provide the goods according to His will. Some problems and assignment which I had encountered and experienced made me more aware of my limitation and the need of surrender to His Mercy. His trust for various assignments and all our family life dynamic should be appreciated as the chance to welcome the Lord to shape the whole of our family as He wants to , to let God do whatever He wants in my life according to His Will, to give Him space to make something impossible for me possible. This surrender brought me endless struggle. The ongoing struggle, the thinness of ego wall, the self-expansion beyond the secure and comfort zone, the struggle towards all self-wishes of acknowledgement, appreciation in service, the caution of pride which sometimes appeared suddenly to the surface, the self-obedience under His words, the endless struggle to become little before Him could be done only merely by His Grace. Only merely by His Grace I might face my daily fragility. May the Lord who is the King in our hearts, in the nations’ heart and in the life of everybody, grant the justice and peace on this earth.